


No Tenderness

by hongbab



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 17:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9774233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongbab/pseuds/hongbab
Summary: Taekwoon is a beautiful thing he should never have touched, because he is poisonous and deadly for everyone. Or is it Hongbin who is wrong from head to toe?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Recommended song: The Bravery - [Hatefuck](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NgXGJiunYo)

_I can keep secrets that I know how you want me_  
_You could dig your nails into my skin and you won’t stop me_  
_You could twist and scream into the air but no one can hear you here_

_And there will be no tenderness, no tenderness_  
_There will be no tenderness, no tenderness_  
_I will show no mercy for you,_    
_you had no mercy for me_  
_The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly_

 

 

 

11.37 pm and Sanghyuk’s house is already a mess.

Hongbin stands with his shoulder against the wall as he watches Sanghyuk mix something suspicious in four plastic cups. He lost count of the layers of alcoholic beverage after vodka, which was the 5th or 6th one.

“That’s liquid nausea,” Hongbin says when Sanghyuk pours blackberry syrup into the cups.

“Should I name it that?” He asks, grinning at Hongbin. His voice almost gets drowned out by the pounding bass resounding through the walls, mingling with laughter and singing—the noises of a party. Sanghyuk stirs his creation with a spoon, and pushes a cup into Hongbin’s left hand which the latter eyes with increasing unease. The whole concoction looks like something that has already been drunk once. “Cheers,” Sanghyuk smiles.

“I’m not going to drink this,” Hongbin shakes his head. “Can I have a beer instead?”

“You said you wanted to get drunk,” says Sanghyuk, nodding in greeting to someone behind Hongbin. “I made you something that will get you drunk. Drink it up!”

Before he could further oppose, Hongbin notices Hakyeon dragging Jaehwan towards them, a Christmas light used as party decoration in the middle of summer hanging around his neck which Hakyeon tries to get rid of before they tear it out of the socket. Jaehwan looks a lot more sloshed than before he left for the bathroom with Hakyeon, and Hongbin wonders where he got that much to drink, because all the booze is on the kitchen counter and the toilet is in the opposite direction. Jaehwan is smirking at Hongbin, his eyes heavy-lidded, as a seemingly irritated Hakyeon leads him towards the kitchen.

“You should have hidden your laptop,” Hakyeon says, taking his arm off Jaehwan and leaving him stagger. Hongbin quickly winds his free arm around his waist, keeping him steady. “He practically jumped on it. He wanted to try that stupid game we bought you, I could barely get him off your bed. It was like trying to prevent someone on a diet from eating chocolate.”

“Oh, hyung,” Sanghyuk laughs, his eyelids moving almost as slowly as Jaehwan’s. “Told you we’d try it tomorrow.”

“It’s so good,” Jaehwan slurs and his head suddenly falls onto Hongbin’s shoulder, his face buried into Hongbin’s neck. “All the reviews… It must be so good.”

“You need to get him off this addiction,” Hakyeon says seriously, turning to Hongbin.

“Therapy costs too much,” Hongbin replies, his hand sliding up on Jaehwan’s arm, his fingers caressing his curly hair. “He’ll be okay as long as Sanghyuk’s just as big of a nerd as he is.”

“What are you drinking?” Jaehwan mumbles into Hongbin’s neck, and a second later he grabs Hongbin’s cup, taking a swig of his Liquid Nausea. Jaehwan jerks and straightens, looking from Hongbin to Sanghyuk with wide eyes before he swallows. “This is nice! What’s this?”

“The thing that’s going to make me famous,” Sanghyuk replies proudly.

“Is this energy drink in it?”

“Among, like, ten other things, yeah.”

Hongbin furrows his brow and takes the cup from Jaehwan, cautiously taking a sip. Apart from the whole thing tasting too sweet, it really is nice. Hongbin still feels a slight burn in his throat, but he figures the previous shots have successfully made his oesophagus numb. Seeing his bravery, Hakyeon grabs a cup and tastes the drink as well, his face reflecting utter disgust as he pours it into the sink a second later.

“I’m too old for this,” he says then, opening a bottle of beer and attempting to wash the taste out of his mouth with it.

Sanghyuk yells at Hakyeon for wasting his precious drink, but Hongbin can’t pay attention to him or Hakyeon who offends the cocktail any way he can, because Jaehwan kisses him sloppily, with too much tongue, the entire thing feeling like a candy floss machine inside his mouth. Hongbin smiles at him nevertheless when they pull apart.

“How can you kiss so horrible when you’re drunk?” he asks, running a thumb over Jaehwan’s cheekbone tenderly.

“I don’t kiss horrible, you’re just too sober,” Jaehwan says, his happy eyes glinting with warmth. He pecks Hongbin’s temple. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Hongbin drinks up his cocktail as fast as he can, because he knows that if Jaehwan keeps kissing him, he will need something that can blunt the candy floss machine effect.

When Hongbin already feels like he’s swimming in lukewarm water and his thoughts are pleasantly tangled, Jaehwan offers to mix him something new, and Hongbin happily agrees. Hakyeon stands beside him with his beer in his hand, people-watching while Sanghyuk attends to his guests’ wishes, grumbling about being unable to enjoy his own birthday party because everyone thinks he’s their personal servant.

“Oh no,” Hakyeon says suddenly, the bottle of beer dangerously tilting in his hand.

“What?” Hongbin asks and tries to find the spot Hakyeon is staring at.

“Sanghyuk!” Hakyeon calls, and Sanghyuk rolls his eyes but steps to them.

“What?”

“What’s he doing here?”

“Who?”

Hakyeon points forward and Hongbin nearly collapses.

A pair of cat-like eyes bore into him and a lock of black hair falls all too familiarly into the guy’s forehead as he stands by the front door with his hands in the pockets of his well-fitting jeans. His face is emotionless like it always is unless he has a good reason to reveal his feelings to others, but he won’t avert his eyes, holds Hongbin’s gaze with his own unwavering one.

“I, uh,” Hongbin sees Sanghyuk scratch the back of his head from the corner of his eye. “I invited Wonshik and told him he could bring anybody, but— I’m sorry, I didn’t think he would bring Taekwoon, I didn’t even know they knew each other.”

“This is not good,” Hakyeon says and, maybe unconsciously, moves closer to Hongbin until their shoulders are brushing. “He needs to leave, Sanghyuk.”

“No,” Hongbin says, finally looking away, looking down at the floor, feeling like he might vomit in that instant and he’s not sure if it’s from the alcohol. “No, he can stay. Just don’t let Jaehwan know.”

“Are you sure?” Hakyeon asks, leaning in to look into Hongbin’s eyes, to read his soul. “You deserve to feel comfortable after— after everything that happened.”

“I’m fine, Jaehwan’s fine,” Hongbin replies and with a move of his head, tries to fix his fringe, although it’s already perfectly okay. “We’re not children, Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon wants to retort, but Jaehwan has finished the drinks and now pushes one cup into Hongbin’s hand, blabbering about a girl hitting on him while he was busy playing bartender. Hongbin smiles at the story without real happiness, and when Jaehwan kisses him on the mouth, he leaves his eyes open, seeing Taekwoon watch him like a lion ready to leap onto its prey.

Taekwoon starts striding over to them with Wonshik on his side, and Hongbin quickly pulls back from Jaehwan.

“Want to smoke?” he asks.

Jaehwan nods enthusiastically, wobbling. Hongbin downs the rest of his too strong drink and throws the cup away as he steps around the counter with Jaehwan’s hand in his own, hurrying out the door.

The July night is warm but Hongbin feels on fire from all the alcohol he consumed and Jaehwan’s overheated body pressing into his is not making it easier either. He puts two cigarettes into his mouth, lighting both at once, giving one to Jaehwan.

“We should get something to eat before we go home,” Jaehwan says, barely finding his lips with the filter. “McDonald’s?”

“Sounds good.”

“Yeah.” Prolonged silence, and then: “I’m going to throw up.”

“What? Not here!”

Jaehwan kecks, his entire body shuddering into the convulsion and he runs into the house, pushing someone to the ground, and Hongbin hears the screams and sees the dark, thick blood on the threshold before his view gets blocked by the same penetrating eyes he escaped from. He hears Sanghyuk’s voice—he’s yelling at people to shut up and tries to tell them that everything’s okay, but it’s muffled by Hongbin’s heart drumming in his ears.

He tries to run away, he really does, but Taekwoon has always had some kind of unearthly power over him that rendered him frozen into place if the other wanted it so.

“Leave me alone.”

Hongbin hears his own weak voice—quite a few octaves lower than Taekwoon’s, he knows, but it’s still powerless.

“I haven’t even done anything yet,” Taekwoon says softly, always softly, and Hongbin’s gaze drops to the upward curling corner of his small lips.

“Why did you come out after me?”

“Why do you think everything is centred around you?”

“Not everything. But what you’re doing right now… it is.”

Taekwoon is doing _that_ again: watching Hongbin intently, his eyes never leaving his face, and he’s trying to prod something out of Hongbin—he’s trying to provoke him. Hongbin is not sure what Taekwoon wants him to do or what he wants to do to him, he never managed to figure it out in the past either, but he knows this look too well; knows it and hates it.

“I’ve got to check on Jaehwan,” Hongbin mutters, unwittingly excusing himself like he owes Taekwoon the courtesy to be polite. He really doesn’t.

“Is he your boyfriend now?”

“Yes.”

Taekwoon stays silent for a second, and then: “Do you love him?”

Hongbin’s vision gets too fuzzy and blurred; there’s a huge black spot in front of his eyes which clears up after he looks away, but he feels his heart race inside his chest and it’s so uncomfortable, especially with Taekwoon staring at him like that. It’s not that he doesn’t love Jaehwan, he just told him he did, of course he does—so why is it so hard for him to tell Taekwoon?

“Yes,” he breathes in the end, hardly audible.

He wills his legs to move and stumbles, finally moving away from Taekwoon, throwing away his half-forgotten cigarette.

“You still can’t lie, Bin-ah.”

He doesn’t know if he’s only imagining Taekwoon’s voice or he really says those words.

Back in the house everything is so much more intense and so much blunter at the same time than before he went outside. He sees a guy on the couch and Sanghyuk kneeling beside him with a white cloth soaked in blood as he presses it to the side of the boy’s head, talking to him. Hongbin wonders why they aren’t calling an ambulance, but the guy seems conscious and that’s a level above how Hongbin feels, so he makes his way into the kitchen. He opens the tap and drinks some water.

“You okay?” Hakyeon asks from somewhere behind him. Hongbin feels the calming weight of the older’s hand on his back.

“I… don’t really know.”

“You’re drunk.” Hakyeon steps next to him, and he’s smiling. “You really are smashed after… after _years_. Sanghyuk’s cup of shit worked.”

“Where’s Jaehwan?”

“In the guestroom. He was sleeping by the toilet, so I took him there. And,” Hakyeon’s fingers on his back press into his skin just a little, “where were you, Hongbin?”

“Out smoking,” he lies, because he can do that now—Hakyeon is drunk too; he looks better than what Hongbin probably looks like, but he’s definitely intoxicated. “Jaehwan gave some guy a hole in his head, did you know?”

“What?” Hakyeon arches his eyebrows at him.

Hongbin simply shakes his head and leaves for the guestroom.

Jaehwan is curled up on the bed, with the pillow pressed to his stomach, hugging it tight. Hongbin pads in as quietly as he can, not that Jaehwan would be able to wake up, anyway. He sits down on the bed next to his boyfriend, carefully caressing the sweat-damp locks that stick to his forehead.

“Hongbin-ah,” Jaehwan slurs, stirring a little, trying to open his eyes.

“Are you feeling better?”

“I need to sleep.”

“Yes, okay. Okay, I just wanted to check on you.”

“Have fun,” Jaehwan smiles half-heartedly as he slowly drifts off again. Hongbin leans over him to peck his cheek and stands up again, grabbing the nightstand to regain his balance.

He stumbles out of the dark bedroom, onto the hallway where only a few people are lurking: a girl typing away on her phone by the bathroom door, another sitting in the corner, probably sleeping. And there's someone standing with his back against the wall, hands in his pockets, now asking Hongbin: “Was he worth it?”

If Hongbin were sober now, he would glare at Taekwoon and get back into the guestroom, locking the door from inside, protecting both Jaehwan and himself from Taekwoon. He's drunk now though, so he stops in his tracks, glaring at the man.

“He’s worth a million times more than you,” he hisses.

He wants to leave—leave Jaehwan behind despite Taekwoon being there—, but then there are two huge hands grabbing his shoulders, nearly crushing his bones as Taekwoon throws him up the opposite wall so hard Hongbin feels his spine pop and his head bounces, a sharp pain shooting into his neck. Taekwoon’s breath is too hot on his mouth for only a second before their lips meet, Taekwoon kissing him with such force Hongbin feels like his teeth might get chipped. 

Hongbin is strong. Not stronger than Taekwoon but he's strong enough to push him away and yet... and yet he stands there, knees buckling helplessly as Taekwoon forces his mouth open, Hongbin tasting the strange sweet acridness of his peppermint chewing gum. There's a moment which he should use for deciding what to do and taking action at the same time, but he misses it, and his tongue brushes against the gum in the back of Taekwoon's mouth. Taekwoon's small stubbles are scraping the top of his upper lip and it tingles, but he soon finds his fingers digging deep into Taekwoon's bare arms. He knows how that milky skin of his works—marked it so many times and it was always so _easy_ —and knows there will be purple bruises in the place of his fingertips in a few hours. He hears Taekwoon's breathing (is the other, shaky one his own?) louder than the pounding beat from the living room, and then feels Taekwoon's hands disappear from his shoulders to hold him by his waist, sneaking under his white shirt, lifting him up, and Hongbin's legs instinctively wrap around Taekwoon's hips, his mouth sliding down on Taekwoon's jaw to the column of his strained neck when Taekwoon turns away to see where he's going—he pushes a cracked door fully open and steps in while Hongbin's lips never leave his skin, his cologne tasting like soap on his tongue. The door closes, the darkness engulfing them both as Taekwoon most literally drops Hongbin on a bed, knocking the wind out of him. He's kissing Hongbin again (his chewing gum disappeared), too hard, leaving invisible cuts on his lips that will open and bleed as soon as he attempts talking tomorrow. He kisses back, the fingers of his right hand entangling with silky black hair, twirling them around the digits, twisting, pulling, wanting to cause pain to the man who wrecked him almost a year ago, to the person who also caused pain to him—to the person he hates most in this world. He scrapes Taekwoon's neck with his nails and waits for the blood to stream, but it never comes. He sees blood behind his closed eyelids though, and it's not the one on the porch just some minutes ago, nor the one he wants to draw from Taekwoon. It's Jaehwan's, and Jaehwan is lying on the floor with a broken nose, the blood pouring into his mouth, and then there's the taste of salt, and the ache in Hongbin's wrist—still feels weather change in the spot where it was fractured—, and Taekwoon stops the kiss.

“Are you crying?” he asks, his voice cracking like he didn't use it for a long time.

Hongbin isn't sure he could see his face properly if the room weren't rotating around him as much as it is, but he doesn't even want to. Taekwoon is a beautiful thing he should never have touched, because he is poisonous and deadly for everyone. 

Or is it Hongbin who is wrong from head to toe?

“You almost killed him,” he blurts out, pulling at Taekwoon's hair harder until the other hisses.

Jaehwan's throat being grabbed by long, slender fingers, a fist meeting his face while he's struggling for air, and Hongbin tearing the back of Taekwoon's shirt into pieces, but it's too late and Jaehwan is already on the floor, coughing wildly and Hongbin is shaking so hard he can barely stay standing—he's terrified of the aggression in Taekwoon's eyes. Taekwoon takes another look at him, it's full of hatred, and then he's gone.

“You almost killed him,” Hongbin mumbles again, a hiccup bubbling up from his mouth as he sobs, but Taekwoon lowers his head, nosing along Hongbin's jaw, peppering his neck with tiny kisses that are in sharp contrast with everything Hongbin received from him before.

Taekwoon rids him of his shirt, having almost no patience to unbutton it, some buttons popping off, pressing his mouth to Hongbin's chest and biting down softly, running his tongue over it half a second later. Hongbin would call it a lovebite when he still thought Taekwoon was perfect, too perfect for him, but that time is long gone. His stomach is in knots as Taekwoon's hand ghosts over it; his tears have stopped but his face is still wet, and he thinks about Jaehwan, how he likes to be with him, but he's never wanted him as much as he wants Taekwoon, even now, despite everything.

Why is he still so affected by this sick, possessive brute?

Did he run to Jaehwan just because he was the one Taekwoon hated most? Did he kiss Jaehwan on the day when Taekwoon could have ended both their lives with a twist of his wrist just because he seemed the easiest to cheat on Taekwoon with?

And if so, what even is he doing with Taekwoon right now? Wasn't getting away from him what Hongbin wanted from the first day they had started dating? Or is this what he's always wanted: knowing that Taekwoon would do anything for him, even if that involved murder?

Who's the sick one here?

The cloud of unanswered questions dissolves inside his mind when Taekwoon lifts his hips into the air to tug down his trousers, the material too fitting for it to be easy to take off, but Taekwoon manages, throwing away his own black tank top, hovering over Hongbin again when he's done, kissing him again, Hongbin clawing at his back like he wants to peel his skin off to reveal the man who once cooked him his favourite meals and sat behind him on the couch while Hongbin sat on the floor, trimming the long ends of his hair, joking about cutting too much with a straight face until Hongbin was panicking and Taekwoon gave him a gentle knock on his head for being gullible in the end. Is that man still alive at all?

Taekwoon holds him in his arms now, flipping Hongbin over so he's lying on his stomach, and there's the familiar warmth on his back as Taekwoon leans over him to nip at his right shoulder and leave a hickey there, just below the hard bone. Hongbin feels sweat trickling down his cheek as Taekwoon's fingertips press into his skin (is it possible to leave fingerprints on such a soft surface?), and it hurts to lie on his tummy now unmoving, he needs some friction, but he's dealing with someone who knows how to make others suffer the most. 

Taekwoon pulls down his underwear all the way, kissing the backs of his thighs as he moves back up, and Hongbin's body moves instinctively, lets him between his legs.

The way Taekwoon treats him is far from tender: his fingers hurt so much Hongbin cries out, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets (they smell like Sanghyuk; is this Sanghyuk's bedroom?), every muscle in his body tensing up, Taekwoon's lips slowly moving up on the line of his spine doing nothing to soothe the pain. The fingers disappear some horribly long minutes later and Hongbin lies there mentally exhausted, hears Taekwoon taking his jeans off, and he could run away now, tell Hakyeon they really should have sent Taekwoon away, he still has some strength in his legs to stand up, but he stays there, his left arm reaching out, wanting comfort, wanting a warm hand to hold his. He only gets an arm wrapped around his torso, pulling him up on his quivering knees, and there's pain again as Taekwoon thrusts into him, stays still for less time than needed before his fringe tickles Hongbin's back, the weight of his body the same as it used to be, and Hongbin feels himself melting into Taekwoon like he always did back then.

(Like he never does with Jaehwan.)

He hears himself mumble something in between moans, but it's so instinctive he doesn't even know what it is. Taekwoon hears it too, whispers into his skin: “I know. I'm here.” It doesn't feel like he is, not in mind, not in heart, he isn't there with Hongbin, he's not in his head and his veins anymore—no one is, and Hongbin feels the immense loneliness fall down onto him in that moment.

Taekwoon goes too fast, too rough, too raw, his breath turning into vapour on Hongbin's skin, but he can't and _doesn't want_ to do anything about it, because that's just how Taekwoon gets when he wants to keep what he believes is his, and Hongbin hates to admit that he indeed belongs to Taekwoon with all his being. 

He lost himself to Taekwoon on the day they met.

Taekwoon's fingers wrap around his cock, stroking him rapidly as Hongbin reaches down with a hand that trembles so much it might fall off, nails digging into the back of Taekwoon's hand, leaving crescents imprinted into his skin. Some moments later that a clock on the wall ticks by (Hongbin can hear it as loud as his own heart throbbing erratically in his ears), he groans loud as he comes, taking his hand off Taekwoon's to press it onto his own mouth, to shove the sound back down his throat, drown himself in it. Taekwoon still thrusts into him, just a few times, and then he's biting down on the back of Hongbin's neck, coming, his hips stuttering before he pulls out.

Hongbin collapses on the bed, and listens to Taekwoon try to catch his breath somewhere behind him, feels the tear that slides across the bridge of his nose tickle. He lies there heaving for a few beats until the mattress dips next to his arm, Taekwoon sitting down there, pulling on his tank top. He puts Hongbin's clothes beside him in a bundle, turning the bedside lamp on, looking down at Hongbin. He's still gorgeous: hair mussed, cheeks tinted pink, lips red and swollen. His eyes are glinting with something sad as he brushes a hand over Hongbin's neck, wiping away sweat and sweeping damp locks of dark hair to the side. Hongbin lets him bend over and kiss him for the last time, slowly, just as painfully as before. 

“Dress up,” Taekwoon murmurs, and then he's out of the bedroom.

How is he supposed to do that when all of his bones are broken?

He sits up carefully, whole body sore, finds some tissues in the drawer of the nightstand, cleaning up as well as he can, still crying, still shaking. He dresses up and walks into the bathroom, standing above the running tap, thinking if he breathed in enough of the water he would be able to die.

“Hongbin-ah?”

He turns around to see Jaehwan blinking blearily in the strong light, supporting himself by the doorframe. He looks small and careless—he has no idea Hongbin just ruined the life they have built up so far together. Hongbin feels the ghost of Taekwoon's touches on him and wonders what would happen if he shoved Jaehwan away from the door and ran after Taekwoon to tell him he loves him, with words that never got uttered between the two of them, because Taekwoon never said them and Hongbin never dared to say them first.

“Can we go home?” Jaehwan asks now in a small, whiny voice, and Hongbin splashes his face with water to wash away his tears, closes the tap.

He steps to Jaehwan and pulls him into a tight hug like Jaehwan is the one falling apart, the one who should be kept together. Jaehwan hugs him back after a moment of surprise, never doubting Hongbin's love for him.

Jaehwan may be worth a million times more, but Hongbin is just as rotten inside as Taekwoon.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to talk to me about any of my stories or just vixx in general on [tumblr](http://hongbab.tumblr.com/), [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hongbab) or [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1061753) ♡ please support me on [ko-fi.com](https://ko-fi.com/hongbab) if you can ♡


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